I'm not the CEO of the world. I don't have to run it, fix everything, and make sure everyone is happy. Point blank - I'm not God and why in the world was I trying to take on that role (in my head anyways)???!!!
A little background to this story may help:
First, I watched some video on the Humane Society website that dealt with horse slaughter. If you know me, right there you are slapping your palm to your forehead. Yes, I admit I brought it on myself but they just "sucked me in" with their save-the-animal-world philosophy. Honestly, I'm not against horse slaughter. I just don't want to see it, especially the inhumane (worst-case scenario) things they showed in those videos.
Second, later that evening I was taking the bus into town and a couple got on the bus about half-way into my ride. I have never, ever, in my life seen the "stereotypical drunk person" that is often portrayed in movies and cartoons and such - until then. This man and women could hardly walk, let alone walk straight. He was hiccuping constantly and his speech was loud and slurred. She was sucking down a water bottle that I have a feeling wasn't filled with water. The smell of alcohol permeated the air and it looked as if this had been going on for many years. That hit me very hard. What type of despair would make someone want to live their life like that? (I hate to admit it, because that shows weakness you know, but I started crying on the bus.) I was quite shocked at my own response since I'm not one that is prone to crying, especially in public. However, I pulled it together quickly and eventually it was my stop to get off.
Third, and last, coming back home on the bus later that night I felt like I was sinking into an emotional mud pit. If you don't think spiritual warfare is alive and well today, think again.....it's VERY real. You just might not realize that's what's going on. My "cue" is when I start getting an anxiety attack since Satan knows my weaknesses very well and will use them against me any chance he can get. I was thinking back on the horse videos, the couple on the bus earlier, the very non-Christian state of this country, the emptiness I see manifest in the people all around me here, the emphasis on the marginalized people in my courses, and feeling quite alone since being here at school. In essence, I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I tell ya, I couldn't handle it one bit. It almost felt like the world was just sinking in on me - in a sense, literally. But then, I heard it. (After I was praying my guts out to get through the moment of anxiety.) That prompting from the Lord reminding me that Christ came to this earth and died to take away all of this despair. He came so I wouldn't have to live in this pit, but could be free and have hope that this life was only a distorted glimpse of what heaven would be like. It was like breathing a sigh of relief and dumping all those cares off my back.
The thing that really bothers me with all this is that I know the hope and grace I have in Jesus; but the "cares of this world" as it says, can still nearly drown me if I'm not careful.
It's not like I was trying to do everything. Only figure out how to fix the slums in India, get rid of the land mines in Asia and the Middle East, make sure medical supplies were delivered to war-ravaged countries, feed the hungry, get the children off the streets, stop the sex & slave trade, capture the drug lords, stop the agricultural industry from making everything from corn, get people to understand horse slaughter (and make it more humane in certain countries), increase the GDP of the poor, prevent maternal and child mortality, stop MRSA infection from spreading in US hospitals, eradicate malaria, and well, figure out a good chai tea latte mix that I could make.
Yeah, and I wonder why I have trouble falling asleep and figuring out what I should do after this course is done next year??? I was talking to a great friend (and spiritual mentor) yesterday and she mentioned reading Psalm 103 recently and the Lord using that passage to speak to her life. So, last night I thought I'd read that passage again to remember what it was about. A verse really stood out to me:
"The Lord executes righteousness and justice
for all who are oppressed." Psalm 103:6
So there you have it. That pretty much whacked me upside the head! I'm not in charge of the world - praise the Lord for that! And it's not up to me to bring "righteousness and justice" to the poor. The Lord may choose to have me be a means He uses to bring that about, but it's ultimately not up to me make that happen.
It's sure nice to get that job off my resume, that's all I can say!
However, I am still looking for a good chai tea mix recipe......
 |
| Double Rainbow |
Have a blessed week in the Lord.
No comments:
Post a Comment